Forgiven
by Rowen Hashiba Of Tenku Co
Summary: Valentine thinks of her younger brother. Song-fic with Alanis Morisette's "Forgiven"


Forgiven  
An Ender's Game fan-fic  
By Fallon Sanada  
  
  
A/N: I don't own Ender's Game (it belongs to Orson Scott Card) and I don't own the song "Forgiven" (that belongs to Alanis Morisette). I do, however, own my interpretation of the songs meaning and the storyline. These are Valentine's musings shortly after the destruction of the buggers.  
  
  
  
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You know how us Catholic girls can be  
We make up for so much time a little too late  
I never forgot it, confusing as it was  
No fun with no guilt feelings  
The sinners, the saviors, the loverless priests  
I'll see you next Sunday  
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Why him?  
That's the question I keep asking myself, over and over; it never lets me rest. I keep asking myself: why did he have to be the savior? There were so many who could have done it, instead of him, and yet they chose him, Ender Wiggin, out of all of them. Why?  
I can't hope to make up for all of that time that we lost together, nor do I want to. It was our own decision to part, and our own decisions rule us. We can't change that, nor should we try to.  
I guess there isn't anything that we can do without regretting it later- it's human nature. You do what you think is right at the time, but don't be surprised if later on you figure out that you were wrong, and you want so bad to take it all back, but you know that you can't ever hope to do that, because it was your decision to take the risks in the first place. There isn't any turning back from the path you choose.  
Not even for Earth's savior.  
  
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I sang Alleluia in the choir  
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man  
My brothers they never went blind for what they did  
But I may as well have  
In the name of the Father, the Skeptic and the Son  
I had one more stupid question  
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I was good, or at least I try to be. I always end up wondering, what if Ender and I have the seeds within us of the same evil that Peter has within him? I cried myself to sleep sometimes, back in the beginning, when I just started being Demothsenes. It was hard to be so mean to everyone, because I wasn't like that. Well, look at me now, will you? I actually enjoy being Demothsenes now. Am I like Peter? Is Ender?  
No, no, not him. Never Ender. Ender is too good, too pure to fall into the traps of hate and greed that have captured Peter and myself. Mostly hate. But, greed, too. Maybe not the same kind of greed in both of us, but it's there. But not in Ender. He's too good. He will never fall prey to that. He is NOT like Peter, he never will be- Ender is no killer!  
What are they saying that for, on the vids?! He's a hero, why are they showing those vids? How did they get them?  
Ender! Please, don't let them conquer you!  
  
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What I learned I rejected but I believe again  
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition  
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven?  
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He is our hope, the future. He is the one on whom the fate of the world rested, and he succeeded. Many didn't believe it at first, that a child could destroy the buggers so completely. They didn't know Ender, though.  
Thankfully, it didn't take them long to realize that it was all true, everything. But then they showed those vids, the ones of Ender hurting- killing- those boys.. Why did they do that? Isn't it enough that it would be their asses on the fire if he hadn't come along?! Isn't is ENOUGH for them that he saved them from an almost-sure fate?! Why don't they LISTEN?!  
PAY ATTENTION! Ender isn't a murderer, he isn't a psychopath! He's Ender. He's not like that, he never will be... Ender..  
They don't appreciate anything, do they? They say he's a hero, and then they show vids that make him out to be a psychopathic murderer. What is their game? And, more importantly, why are they playing it? Don't they know that he is broken now? Don't they see?  
Why can't they see who he is?  
  
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We all had our reasons to be there  
We all had a thing or two to learn  
We all needed something to cling to  
So we did  
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I can't believe that they can't see the truth..  
I truly apologize if my furious and anguished tears stain this page, I really don't want them to.  
I just feel for him. He is my brother, so I should. I love him..  
I guess I just have one more stupid question to ask of you, God, and I want to know the answer this time! Answer me, dammit if you're there LET ME KNOW! Don't leave me hanging like this, don't let this kill me! I'm dying here, simply because you torture him!! God, tell me my answer!!  
Why did you choose him, God?  
**Valentine Wiggin**  
  
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We all had delusions in our head  
We all had our minds made up for us  
We had to believe in something  
So we did  
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End file.
